Untitled.

The materials that I chose for my College Reading Skills presentation are the powers of negative thinking. The reason that I chose this kind of topic is that me myself is one negative thinker. I rarely turns to the positive sides because I view lots of things negatively. It motivates me and makes me think. Not many people can view things negatively because viewing things negatively can get hard sometimes and it is not worth it.

Negative thinking appears to be more prevalent than positive thinking. It seems that with most people positive thinking requires some effort, whereas negative thinking comes easily and uninvited. This has much to do with education and the environment one has been living in.

If you have been brought up in a happy and positive atmosphere, where people value success and self-improvement, then it will be easier for you to think positively and expect success. If you have been brought up under poor or difficult situations, you will probably go on expecting difficulties and failure.

We all view everything through our predominant mental attitude. If our thoughts are positive, that is fine, but if they are negative, our lives and circumstances will probably mirror these thoughts.

If you believe that you are going to fail, you will unconsciously sabotage every opportunity to succeed. If you are afraid of meeting new people or having close relationships, you will do everything to avoid people and relationships, and then complain that you are lonely and nobody loves you.

Do you often think about difficulties, failure and disasters? Do you keep thinking about the negative news you have seen on the TV or read in the newspapers? Do you see yourself stuck and unable to improve your life or your health? Do you frequently think that you do not deserve happiness or money, or that it is too difficult to get them? If you do, then you will close your mind, see no opportunities, and behave and react in such ways, as to repel people and opportunities. The mind does not usually judge or examine thoughts and opinions before accepting them. If what it hears, sees and reads is always negative, it accepts this as the standard way of thinking and behavior.

The media constantly bombards the mind with a lot of information about disasters, catastrophes, wars and other unhappy events. This information sinks into the subconscious mind, and then manifests as your habitual manner of thinking. By occupying the mind with depressing and pessimistic thoughts you radiate negative energy into the surrounding world, thus creating and recreating more negativity, failures and disasters.

The mind is neutral energy. The way you think determines whether the results are positive and beneficial or negative and harmful. It is the same of energy acting in different ways.

The good news are that persistent inner work can change habits of thinking. You must be willing to put energy and time to pursue positive thinking, in order to change your mental attitude.

~Bis bald

Trying to define.

Upon reading the past few entries of THE PENGUIN, there's this one link from her entry, her friend's entry to be exact, which made me thinking for a few times. Oh yeah, it is an entry about, LOVE, which intrigued me to the fullest. It is one damn heavy reading material, in which it is indeed my favorite type of material. What she wrote basically comes from her mind, and yes, upon gazing on her words, I know that she(the author) came from a religious background. A Muslimah(YAY for her!). She saw the freaking "festival of love" right in front of her eyes and she scorned it. Well, that is the way she saw it, but what about the others? Perhaps, me? How would I see it if I were in her shoes at that time?

To be honest, I don't really believe in the so-called modern love. Just like the kids nowadays, the three words, I LOVE YOU is easily spat from their mouth that is full of dishonesty. How can you say that words when you can easily fall in "love" with someone else at the same time? The feelings of love, is it virtual or real? I would be lying if I say that I don't believe in love at all. actually, yes I do, but it is not worthy enough for me to be thinking about it at this kind of time.

Everytime when I went out with my friends or family, there is this sight, the sight where I saw couples holding hands, men holding the women's waist when they are walking and etc etc. If I said that I felt disgusted with this kind of sight, I would be labelled as a hypocrite. Honestly, I am not a good person at all and what am I to call these peoples as a "bad" people. I don't have a good knowledge about Islam nor that I am a religious person, but sometimes, these feelings take the best of me. There's this one time where I have thrown a stone at a couple who's "making out" in public at that time. I don't know why, but I detests them(the couple).

Talking about the so-called "modern" people, who thinks that when they love someone, they need to hold hands when they are together, they need to show their affection between one another in public places and what not. Sometimes, I've grown tired of hearing couples using "gelaran manja" with one another. papa mama, hubby baby, bby bb lah ape sume tu lah. Sumpah aku geli tau tak ! grrr. aku pun guna "aku" "kau" je tau tak. duhh. **** lah kau !

Some said that "modern" people keeps on moving forward. Meaning, they keep on changing couples. One after another, and another one and the another one. They keep on changing and changing. Could them only stay with only one person at a time? Then, what does "true love" meant to them? Is it just an old proverb? Or is it just a simple saying?

For me, L.O.V.E. is a feeling, neither virtual or real which needs to fulfill three rules, Loving, Loved and trusting. It is feeling that I tried so hard to keep myself away from all this time. Yet indeed, they struck me down with a vicious blow to the back of my head and leaves me breathless on the ground. What am I to avoid all of these. I am just a mere mortal that roams the earth. I have seen lots of my friends who were beaten by the power of love. Some cried, some curses, some got addicted and some dejected it.

But indeed, it is a feeling in which we humans can't avoid. well, some does. It's just some, not all. I do have some believe in this, we will find the most suitable person that is destined for us one day, InsyaAllah. but for now, just let it be :)~Bis Bald~

The Outdated.

It's been so long since I last updated my entries. I felt the urge to update suddenly when I was dreaming outside my room's window doing nothing but, smoking. duhh. I was listening to the song, Again We Rise by lamb Of God, when suddenly I remembered about something.

First things first, when hearing upon the band Lamb Of God, what came in your mind? Black metal? Of course yes. but, to everyone's dismay, their genre is not black metal but they are an American heavy metal type of band. but, what is black metal? black metal based on my definition is an art, a genre to be exact. it is a very extreme subgenre of heavy metal in which it focuses on more heavy guitar strumming, picking, shrieking and rough voices of the vocalists and of course it emphasizes on the allegedly famous double pedalling of the drums. the guitars uses heavily distorted sounds and their song structure is usually weird and unconventional.

What makes the black metal so famous? Well, I don't blame anybody for describing black metal as an anti-christ movement and often misleading from the religions because of the images that some black metal artists portrays. they often portray the black color, in which black is their main color. some of the artists that wanted to have an "extra" added attention from audiences portrays the image of association with blood and the most famous one, THE BLACK SHEEP. brrrrr.. this, actually has nothing to do with their songs nor with their lifestyle.

The most disturbing images that the black metal genres used is the connection to satanism. I don't find any of them got possessed or something like that. they are just portraying the image but they are not worshipping the satan itself.

okay okay, back to my favourite band, Lamb Of God. they are mainly the american heavy metal band. aside from their often confusing song's title, such as Blacken The Cursed Sun, they are not portraying any images of satanism or anti-christ. duhhh. my choices of songs always got me flamed by my colleagues. because they think that lamb of god is a black metal band. it's a heavy metal band dammit ! grrrr

@___@

~Bis Bald~

Finally :)

Finally, I have completed an article to be submitted to the editor of The Buzz. I found out that my article sounds rather weird and somewhat peculiar. haha! If you can catch what I am trying to convey in my article, do tell me yeah :)

My Darling, how can I express what you have meant to me these many years? The bond we have shared has been stronger than any other in my life. You were always there for me when I was alone. When I was scared, you gave me strength. When I was happy, you shared my joys. When I was angry, you fuelled my fire with your own. When I was hungry you "nourished" me and kept me slim. When I turned my back on you, you waited patiently, knowing I would return. You never judged me or held a grudge. You welcomed me back with open arms. You were practically my lover - we knew each other so intimately. You invaded every pore of me. Just the smell of you can set my heart pounding. The feel of you in my hand, so smooth and firm, makes my blood boil even now. God, I want you so badly. You and I have been together through so very much.

I want to say goodbye but I can not. I love you and I always will, but this is killing me. It is not healthy and I am beginning to see that now. I have changed, grown, but you have stayed the same. We have been going in different directions for awhile, and I just haven't been able to admit it to myself. You're giving me wrinkles on my face. You take away my money. You make my breath smell bad and my teeth yellow. None of my friends like you and look what you've done to both of my grandfathers.

I feel like I’m losing myself to you. We've always been together. Is there a "me" without you? I bet he's someone you wouldn't recognize. You always thought I was weak and I'd be back again and again and again. I'm discovering how strong I really am. I can go and not look back, except on those lonely, nights when I will be deep in thoughts, and I drag out those old pictures of us together. I'm sure you know I will miss you. It's not like these last 9 years have meant nothing to me.

I lay on my bed at night thinking of you and missing you so badly. Every time something makes me angry I just want to go to you. I actually have a physical pain in my chest and my throat tightens when I think of you. I know if I just run to you, you'll take me back and make the pain go away, but only temporarily. You always want more of me, and loving you has become a vicious, self-destructive cycle. I know that the pain I feel right now will heal and hopefully so will the other scars you've left on my heart and lungs. I pray it's not too late for me to give my body a fresh start. This pain will not kill me and that which does not kill me only makes me stronger.

p/s : There is no connection between me and any human beings in the article that I wrote. Just me and, my "LOVE".

~Bis Bald~

OMG !

The three letters, OMG. It is always used by those "kids" nowadays. Rather than be used, those three letters are somewhat abused too much in their daily life but, I am one of those "kids" that abused those three letters. SO, here am I, ranting and chanting the word.

OMG ! The Buzz's deadline is closing in. I haven't done any articles yet for The Buzz. Except for the loads of poem that have been(don't mind my use of tenses, I hate tenses) created by me in the senseless yet meaningless night that I had for the past few weeks. Should I consider sending in the poems or should I write an article?? Brrrrrr. It's confusing !! OMG !

OMG ! I got lots of presentation coming up. One grammar presentation in which, my groups, got the "pleasure" of doing GERUNDS in which I'm not very familiar with except for Faris which abused lots of gerunds in the grammar class. duhhh. Then, College Reading presentation, OMG ! Two presentation in a week ! Followed by reading test in the following week ! OMG !

OMG ! Mr Naza hasn't entered our Listening and Speaking class for about three consecutive weeks ! Huaaa ! I want to learn. I don't want to stay in my room doing nothing but drink coffee and smoke. OMG ! And also, I want to be in the Drama class, I longed to learn drama. :( OMG !

OMG ! When will I get the allowances?? I'm running out of money right now. The second semester really puts a toll on my wallet. Lots of hole has been drilled right out of my pocket. Money money money money please come to papa ! OMG !

OMG OMG OMG !~Bis Bald~

Sky oh sky,

pour down rain so that I can rejoice,

wash away all of this confusion,

down to the drain of positivity,

flows to the sea of happiness,

so that I can drench myself in all of those happiness,

please take away the negativity,

swiftly as I want it to be,

yet it was slow as a snail's pace,

please rip these pretending masks

of the betrayer,

that they wore on their face,

the marauding masks that bleeds fear,

yet fear itself was not created,

a natural occurrence which profounds us,

we are feared yet we fears,

cowers before our time comes,

a question yet to be answered,

never had been answered,

that us had to sought for ourself.

For life,

it ends when it started,

one that amazes,

was not life,

but it's the end of a life that amazes,

an end which is true,

yet life itself were not true and real,

the only real thing was the end itself,

it comes without warning,

past, now, tomorrow,

it' just a matter of time before it comes,

and when it strucks,

it cares nothing else,

nowhere to run,

nowhere to hide,

but a life,

it can run,

it can hide,

life is hunted by the end.

,

~Bis Bald~

Death

Death is when my loved ones must depart
Death is a sharp pain in my heart
Death is this feeling of permanent sadness and pain
Death is when my loved ones have gone away
Death is the call to heaven or hell
Death is an eternal mansion or cell
Death is the lesson i need to learn about
Death is a loss, without a doubt
Death is this unhappy feeling i have
Death is pleasant on my behalf
Death is the day i end my life
Death is when i give up the fight
Death is happiness to the world around me
Death started when i gained my life
Death can be helped along with this knife
Death is where i shall go
Death is close, i know
Death willl come fast
Death is vast
Death is what i see
Death lives inside of me
Death is joy to me
Death has come for me
Death is gonna take me
Death will stop my misery
Death loves my company
Death ends the pain
Death takes me on that train
Death is near
Death is finally here

~Bis Bald~

===========================

A tower grim; a glowering darkness,
And only brown of red the other hue
– I saw it in the distant eyes –
And yes, He knew, but focussed only
On the mortal soul of mine;
After all, He had a role to play,
And wine: my shivering blood to quaff!
If only I could Him betray –
To break the seal of destiny;
Escape the lone cacophony
That emanates from wailing minds!

Damn the fate of His – it awes and blinds!
But oh! the mighty hammer strikes a toll;
The slow approach of Him upon the knoll
Commences exudation of a dying heart.
Endorsing all, I honed my final part.

~Bis Bald~

Ketiadaan kelas !!

Hari ini, hari selasa bersamaan 24 November 2009, aku bangun pukul 10.57 a.m. Aku bangun bangun je tengok dah dekat pukul 11. AKu pun terkejut lah. Sebab kelas aku pukul 10.30 sepatutnye. Kelas reading yang disyarahkan oleh Miss Juritah Bt Misman yang amatlah diloveable oleh kami semua(note : pun intended). haha! Why did you cancel the class miss?? Huargghhh!! Nanti nak kena replace class pulak. adoih. tak syok langsong lah camni.

Now, I'm starting to get bored as hell. damn damn. Nescafe dah minum, Nestum dah makan dah. Perut lak dah lapar tengahari ni. Next class pukul 3.30 pulak :( bosan bosan bosan bosan. nak keluar makan it's still early pulak.

huh, I'm starting to lose some fat composition. My rib cage dah mula kelihatan dah. SHIT!! Why do I'm losing some fat. Weight pun dah turun dah. Tapi, komposisi perut kurang menonjol. Agak kedepan jugak lah. haha! dah macam orang tua pulak kan kan. haha! (semua ini adalah akibat kebosanan ya)

~Bis Bald~

Oh semester two.

The second semester just started this monday. Maka, bermulalah pendakian kolej Kasturi setiap hari untuk ke tingkat empat. duhhh. Nasib baik Jang bawak kereta pulak kan. boleh lah jugak kurangkan kepenatan yang melampau. All the classes has been reshuffled. tak tau kenapa tapi, apa boleh buat kan. dah benda nak jadi. So, I'll just bear with it. Aku telah dicampak kedalam kelas PTSL2A. haha! memang agak janggal la pulak dah tukar jadi PTSL2 sebab dulu dulu mase part 1 asek gune nombor satu je kan. AKU DAH JADI BUDAK PART 2 WEII!!!!!! Keadaan agak seronok lah jugak kan. New faces, new environment. so, takde hal lah sangat bagi aku. Tapi, ade jugak muka muka lama yang masih lagi aku menghadap. Jang, Doy, Siamang, and the others. haha. tak kisah pun sebenarnye. layan je lah kan. malas gile nak update panjang2. searching for journals yang agak menyusahkan. duhhh. TED dah dapat assignment dah. nak kena hafal falsafah pendidikan negara lah ape lah. haha! macam macam lah. haiyooo. kelas foundation in education agak pelik. Tak boleh pakai round neck masuk kelas tu hoi. haha! attire will be counted as a mark. gaaahhh. damn it. nasib baik tadi tak kena marah ngan Mr. Razif. macam siot ah nak kena pakai baju elok elok pulak. woooot.

~Bis Bald~